So...went to the beauty event today at NM on my lunch break - HEAVEN!!! I know, I know, Neiman's is the definition of rich, but all bets are off when it comes to makeup. Remember, everything that I put on my face distracts people from looking at my ass, muffin top, and cottage cheese thighs. Earrings and random hair accessories work in the same way. This is why I often adopt a Punky Brewster-esque look in the later part of the week because my hair is super dirty and full of PSSSST, and I am retaining water so my pants are too tight, thus I am in need of some serious diversions. Solution: put a ton of crazy ass shit from Forever 21 in my hair. I mean, why wear just a headband when you could wear a headband, some diamond bobby pins, and a ponytail holder that looks like it is made out of real hair, and possibly a bumpit?? Who is going to look at my muffin top with all that going on upstairs? No need to thank me, ladies.
So back to NM, I got the totally perfect Kim Kardashian nude lip-look!!! This was right after I asked the guy, "do you have a totally perfect Kim Kardashian nude lip-look?" He did. The gloss is also favored by J-Lo, so score!!! I hardly even needed to wear pants at all today with my lips looking as fabulous as they do! Too bad I don't know how to work the internets, or I would be posting a sweet pick of them.
Stay tuned for my next ass camo post: why wedge heels and a giant bag are necessities in cankle subterfuge!!