Top 5 things I LOVE about my girl, Mishy

I am noticing a distinct lack of comments on this engaging, new, top 5 series. RUDE.

1) She will, in all seriousness, do the "sexy dance" that Bird and I created to secure her a marriage proposal. You're welcome, cuz that sh*t worked.

2) She is the BEST, most laid-back travelling buddy ever. She goes with the flow, which is extremely rare in a group full of hardcore Bs like we got going up in here. I am including myself in that tally. I likes my way. Cuz it's right. Duh.

3) She co-founded this RAD club. It has been a far greater success than our ill-fated scrapbook club.

4) She will go full-on J-Lo and lay on the bow (that's rich boat talk for hood) of a boat drinking cocktails while it is dead in the middle of the Caribbean.

5) She will get wasted, puke, pass out, then rally and make molten cakes for everyone! BEST RALLY EVER.

Much love, gurl.


Top 5 things I LOVE about my girl, Brooke

As I assume you are all waiting with baited breath for your very own top 5, I will try to churn these babies out in rapid succession.

1) All dudes LOVE Brooke. And by dudes I mean our queer-a$$ husbands.

Case in point, fade in, Diggs's pad:

Big Softee: (please read this using a sort of Snufaluffagus voice, but kinda nervous-y cuz he's talking to Brooke), "hey Brooke, you have camo shorts and I have camo shorts. We match."

Really, dude?

Fade in part deux, chez Classy:

My dad: "hey guys look - Brooke is drunk and she's eating toast!"
All other guys present: "Awwwwww. What will she think of next?"

NOT the reaction I get when I eat toast. Must be a technique issue.

2) She will not give any good chocolate to bulimics, because they will "just waste it."

3) She was the first HFGBC gurl to blow out a knee interpretive dancing. Note I said first.

4) When I invited her out on our old POS boat, The Chips Ahoy, she thought it was a fancy yacht-style P-Diddy boat and offered to bring tiny sandwiches made on King's Hawaiian Bread. Presh. Like anything my Dad would purchase would be nice enough to host tiny sandwiches.

5) She's the only other HFGBC gurl that has to go to Weight Watchers with me. Then she heckles dummies at the meetings.

Fade in, WW meeting full of fatties:

Dumb Fat Lady: "I don't know how I gained a pound. All I eat is salads."
Brooke, whispering: "Yeah right, lady. Cabana Bowls ain't salads."

Love you B to the B (S).

Top 5 things I LOVE about my gurl, Rach

So, this is obviously part 1 of a 7 part series, so ladies get ready for your own personal shout out. Why, you ask? Because I love the sh*t out of all of you and I don't care who knows it. Sappy love is the new black, duh. Oh and I don't think you are reading my awesome blog posts anymore and I know you will if they are about you and not my kid. Way to be selfish, ladies.

So, here goes:

1) Upon being served vodka out of a giant spigot, she asks, "Gabe, what kind of vodka is this?" Like they put top shelf vodka in a SPIGOT? Presh.

2) Upon sitting down at a blackjack table with 5 other awesome HFGBC hotties and dudes, she asks the dealer to "name which Friends characters we are!" Then, she corrects the dealer for incorrectly labeling me "Phoebe."

3) She always carries a gorgeous, rich, designer purse, but when she sees a friend with Glad Press-n-Seal, she declares it "RICH"!!!

4) She gets all her maternity clothes at Forever 21 or the Teen Mom section of Motherhood.

5) She treats her daughter's birthday parties as if they were the f'ing Catalina Wine Mixer.

Love you, gurl.