Okay, so I am not sure if David Letterman still does those top ten lists because I am in bed before he comes on because I am old and infirm. I do; however, remember laughing my a$$ off at those lists in the 80s. I even had a book with all the lists in them that I liked to read all the time to distract me from the horror that was my childhood. So, in honor of that, I present my very own top ten list of awesome sh*t Sweet D says. Keep in mind, I am his mother, so when he says, "I love you, mama," I pretty much lose my sh*t, but I am trying my best to give only the greatest hits, all objective-like.
10. "Wanna race? Never mind."
Context: anytime SD is riding his trike down the street and some other people (children or grown-ups) approach, he pedals really fast and screams this at them. Genius, obvi.
9. "She will look like a big ole oompa loompa if she wear flats all the time."
Context: he is quoting what I had just told my Dad after complaining about my feet hurting in heels. Loves how he quotes me all the time. Clearly, I love the sh*t I say best of all.
8. "I have two imagination friends. Their names are Flapjack and Skeleton."
Context: none. He just told me this out of the blue.
7. "This Daddy's song."
Context: upon hearing "Wichita Lineman" by Glen Campbell. Nice.
6. "Candy rains down from the sky. And who doesn't like candy??"
Context: SD said this all indignant-like when describing the homecoming parade. As in, what kind of an idiot wouldn't want to be where candy is raining down from the sky?? Duh.
5. "Hey mama, I just pooped on the porch."
Context: self-explanatory. He just decided to pull down his pants and poop on our back porch. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. And for those of you who don't know, we do have two working toilets - RICH!
4. "Oh nap! Got bump-it!"
Context: again quoting me, as we drove by Walgreens, where the day before he had heard me scream "oh snap, they got bump-its!" when I saw that Walgreens was now carrying the miracle hair accessory that was formerly only available on TV.
3. "I am thank you for my penis."
Context: on Thanksgiving, when we asked him to tell us what he is thankful for, this is what he came up with.
2. "Mama, I poop my mouf."
Context: he threw up in his bed, and having never thrown up before, he was just making his best guess as to what happened.
1. "Mama, you smell like cocktails."
Context: after hugging me on a Friday evening (aka happy hour goes all night), he said this. I have no words.